Business of Misery
by StainedWings
Summary: Because of desperation, Alfred F. Jones was forced into the horrible job of pretend. His role? Pretend to be Arthur Kirkland's lover.


Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia, its characters, Paramore or the song Misery Business

Author's Note: No, this won't end with someone dead. No, this is not related to Paramore's Misery Business. This is inspired by a film my mother dragged us to. I'd love to tell you what it was about but that would spoil things so yeah. Just a warning, weirdness in future chapters. Also, I apologise for the lack of description on America and the rest. Describing characters isn't really my forte. Also, sorry if Jappy is a little OOC. Still inexperienced writing him as... well... his role in the story.

Anyway, I hope that you'll enjoy this one! Further note that I completely made up the geography of the entire thing. Please do note that I have no idea where they are so just imagine something like modern NYC mixed with some mediaeval town or something that has normal crap on one side and completely shitty crappy-crap on the orher. I have no idea what place I wrote. The places don't exist in real life. The spelling might change due to whomever is speaking. I constantly switch between US/Uk English but if America is speaking, I'll try to stick to Us and if England's speaking, I'll try to keep the Americanness down. Again, enjoy ^_^ And forgive me my constant ramblings.

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"Don't ever come back!" The manager screamed at me and literally kicked me out of his shop/restaurant/pizza joint. "I don't wanna come back anyway, dude. Your pizzas suck!" I shouted back and poked my tongue at him. And if you're rolling your eyes and thinking that I'm not mature, well I am! I just don't like showing it. The hero never reveals his secrets after all!

But boy is Mattie gonna be upset. I think, he's never been upset at me before. Except the time when I put some 'fake' maple syrup on a batch of 'fake' pancakes. He really beat the crap out of me that time. Matthew is my brother who is confined in our little house. When I say 'confined', I meant it literally. Same goes for the 'little house'. We barely make enough to eat with Matthew working and now that he can't even stand up without knocking anything over, I don't think we can even survive this month.

Hahaha! I shouldn't be thinking like this. The hero should always keep a positive attitude even when there's absolutely no hope! Somehow that made me even more depressed. How am I going to break this to Mattie? He won't have any medicine. He can't even work now. That's not his fault though. It's the bastard drunken driver that freaking hit him. He better be glad Mattie only got an injured leg or my next job might be a manhunt. Just kidding! A hero would never say or do anything like that! The idea is very tempting though...

I sighed and headed back to our house. What am I gonna say to Mattie? We barely have anything to eat even when he was able to work and now that I'm fired, we are completely screwed. I wish I'd be able to give him a much better life but it can't be helped. I slowly pushed open the door which was just a piece of wood tied with rope. Our house isn't that much to look at; a bedroom with a bed not big enough for the both of us without half of one's body hanging off, a 'kitchen' and a bathroom. The bathroom is separated from the rest of the house with a flimsy wooden barricade. We only have one chair and a flat wood for a table. Mattie always ate on the bed (I force him to since he shouldn't move much) with the board and I ate on the floor. It''s cool with me though since it made me feel like a Japanese dude. They ate on the floor right?

"Mattie, I'm here!" I announced and carefully closed the door, I wouldn't want to break it. I always seem to break things easily since I have this uncanny strength and endurance. "Welcome back." The reply was so soft, I had to strain my ears to hear it. Even before he got hit, Mattie was always so shy and timid. At this rate he won't get a girlfriend! I headed straight to the fridge. I wasn't going to eat anything. I needed to save the remaining food and water we have which was just two loafs of bread and eight bottles of water. I took a small portion of the bread and a small glass and placed it on the board.

I hated lying to Mattie but it can't be helped. He won't touch anything if I tell him that I haven't eaten anything for the past three days. I'm still fine though, 'cause a hero can take these kinds of things! "Here Mattie, a co-worker of mine treated me to some lunch before I left. You can go ahead and eat." I flashed him my million watt smile in hopes of him not noticing. He didn't. He looked at me funny for a couple of seconds before he started eating. "Al, you don't have to shoulder everything eh?" He looked at me. "You should know that you can always tell me anything. That's what brothers are for eh?" I smiled a genuine smile and nodded softly. How could I tell him that we were probably going to die?

He smiled back and resumed softly nibbling away at the bread. We started to eat like that before we even noticed. I guess it was to pretend that we had more than we had. I smiled mentally. I won't go down without a fight. I promise you Mattie, I won't give up! "Can you manage Matt? I still gotta go back and run a few more stuff." He smiled and nodded again. "Be careful Al." I was already at the door and waved back at him before exiting the small (microscopic really) house.

"What am I going to do now?" I sighed and scratched my head. I stood there in the sidewalk like a total moron (wasn't of course) for a few minutes. A black-haired man came up to me and I swore that if he didn't, I would have stood there for much longer. He gave a small polite bow and we exchanged pleasantries. I found that his name was Honda Kiku... or was it Kiku Honda? He's Japanese so that must mean that the last name comes first right? He noticed me staring into space and got a little worried for my mental health. That's how we met. Weird huh?

"Ah, I see. I understand your position and..." He paused as if asking for acknowledgement. This dude is sooo polite! I nodded and motioned for him to continue speaking. He still kept that pokerface expression even when talking; it's like he's playing the game every second of his life! "I know someone who could help you. They are running an audition for a... role of sorts." Kiku explained. He looked troubled. Oh well, what could be worse?

"Really!? Where!? How do I get there!? How do I sign up!?" I 'excitedly' said. Kiku looked appalled and took a step back. His face was completely blank though. How does he pull it off? "Please Kiku, I really need the money." I seem to have won him over with that statement. Really, 'my brother has cancer and I want to do everything I can to make his last moments the best'? That's the worst lie I ever said. I feel kinda bad lying to him too. He did so much to help me, I'll just make it up to him someway sometime later when Matt's alright.

"Here," He handed me a card. "This is the place. Further instructions will be given upon arrival. Thank you Jones-san, I must be off now, sayounara." He gave another bow and left. I didn't understand the last part but I think that's a goodbye. Why'd he call me by last name though? And what's the 'san' for? I shrugged and scrutinized the card.

'March 18th, Star-crossed St. Bonnefoy Enterprises'

"Star-crossed Street huh?" I mumbled and glanced at said street. It was just around the corner and you can see part of the Bonnefoy Enterprises' building from where I stood. "Never guessed I'd go there." I stayed out all day. Matt would get suspicious if I returned before my 'work' was over.

As I walked aimlessly through crowded streets, I realized something. If Kiku wasn't the one who was running the audition, who is? And why did he suddenly give me the card out of nowhere? Shouldn't that be flyers if they're trying to find someone for the role and how would he know if the instructions would be given on arrival if he only knows someone? I shrugged and let it go. It wasn't that much of importance right?

When the allotted time for my 'work' was over, I hurried home. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going. I guess that's why I bumped into another person. He fell on his ass and I stumbled back a bit. Why is that? It's 'cause I have super strength and super endurance as a hero should! But this guy fell pretty hard...

"Hahaha, sorry 'bout that, you okay?" I scratched my head, a habit I developed when I was nervous, and offered my hand to him. He was blonde with green eyes and- woah! Those eyebrows are freakishly huge! He glared at me and swatted my hand away. Well that was rude. Sure I hit the guy but it wasn't as if I _wanted_ to, it was an accident! I even apologized and offered to help him stand up and everything!

He stood up on his own and dusted his pants. When he was done, he glared at me with the ferocity of a lion. "You have eyes attached to that thick skull of yours don't you? Why don't you use them!?" Well he wasn't very friendly. His accent sounded kinda British-y too. "The next time I see you, you better pray that I've already forgotten that disgusting face of yours!" He huffed and walked away with his head held high. Well he's a pompous ass. I hope he trips and lands in a pile of cow shit.

I stomped back home irritated. The moment I entered, I found an albino babbling to my brother. Who the hell is he? Normally I'd greet guests -we rarely have any- with a smile on my face and a twinkle in my eyes but my previous encounter with that English bastard made me act otherwise. "Mattie, who is this?" I asked rather strongly, a small frown on my face.

Matthew blinked at me. I couldn't blame him though. I was _always_ smiling, even when I got a three-hour rant from my boss or when some idiot driver nearly killed me. But not this time. I wonder why I was so pissed by a few sentences?

Matthew got over his shock and smiled. "Al, this is Gilbert, he stays with me while you're working. I met him before I got into the accident." I carefully studied Matt's 'friend'. What sort of funny business has he been up to with my brother? "Gil, this is Alfred, my brother." He nudged his friend who gave a wide grin. Maybe he isn't so bad after all. "Kesese," Was that a laugh or 'hello' in a different language?

The rest of the evening was spent in pleasant conversations. I found that the 'kesese'ing was Gilbo's way of laughing and not a hello. Gilbert and Mattie got along really well and I appreciate that. Matt never really had anyone else to talk to but me and I feel a little guilty at my first impression of Gilbo as an albino bastard. But I swear to god if he tries any funny business with Matthew I'll break his neck! Heh, I won't really do it of course, heroes don't do that after all! But maybe one exception won't hurt...

"Hey Al," Mattie called. I looked up from my perch on the wall. I was eating the soup that Gilbo brought with him and it tasted so damn good! The fact that I haven't eaten anything in a while made it even more delicious. Almost as delicious as Mickey D's! Come to think of it... when _was_ the last time I had McDonalds? This is bad. If I don't even have enough money for a burger at Mickeys then I seriously needed a new job!

"What's that card?" Matt asked pointing to the card that Kiku gave me. I placed it on top of the fridge so I could eat and I completely forgot about it.

"Oh that? Some Japanese dude named Kiku gave it to me. It's an offer for some role in the Bonnefoy Enterprises." I replied simply, signature smile on my place. I was no idiot. I knew that the Bonnefoy Enterprises was one of the most successful businesses here and second only to the Kirkland's and Matt knew it too. His eyes were filled with shock. I mean, who wouldn't? You just got offered a job at the Bonnefoy enterprises!

"Kiku? You're going" Gilbert asked with his awesome-but-not-as-awesome-as-my-accent German accent. He knows something. I nodded. "Kesesese, guess that makes it easier for the awesome me! I stayed here so I could ask you but since you're going, I'll just take you there." Stayed? So this guy has been visiting Matt for quite a while huh?

"Dude, d'ya work there?" I was honestly surprised. I never thought that Mattie had a friend that's (possibly) filthy rich.

He smirked proudly. "The awesome me deserves to work at an awesome place! Und ja, I work there und I know the owner of the entire company!" My jaw dropped. I didn't try to hide it. I'm glad I rested the now empty bowl on the fridge or we would be one bowl short. I couldn't believe it. Was my being fired from my job a blessing in disguise? Hell to the yeah!

"You serious!?"

The next day, March 18th, Gilbert took me to the building. I wore a suit which I didn't like very much. I really didn't like it very much, I loathed suits and fancy clothes in general but Gilbert insisted that I wear it. If I wasn't a hero and if I didn't have heroic kindness, I swear that I'm gonna punch him where it hurts if he was lying. I mean, it's an audition! Where do you see an audition with finely pressed suits?

I stopped complaining internally when we entered a room. There was a brunette, a blonde and- "Kiku?" This is definitely the weirdest interview I'll ever have...

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Author's Note: Bwahaha! I finally finished this! This's been sitting in my doc manager for a looong time and I'm glad I finally got this out. It's hard working on this with Time Turner but meh, if any of my stories brings a smile on your faces, even if it's just for a second, I'm contented.

I don't own McDonalds and I'm pretty sure I mispellt that as well. Writing with American spelling is soooo damn hard and I'm pretty sure there's one or two words there in Brit-spell. I hope you guys enjoyed this and send a review to tell me what you think.

Thanks for reading~ 3


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